Summary
Good leadership requires confidence and deep understanding.
I used to be a mediocre leader.
Actually, mediocre might be generous. I struggled. After suffering through way too many sleepless nights and unproductive conversations, one mindset shift and two practices helped me get better quickly.
First, I had to stop believing I had to adhere to a certain leadership style. I had always heard that I should have a leadership style. I spent years trying to figure out who I was as a leader, only to realize that wasn’t even the important question. In reality, team results mattered more than my ego or self-analysis.
Second, I started regularly asking my people who they were, how they saw their role, and how I could help. I developed the art of Inquiry.
Third, I adapted my leadership approach to each person based on what I had learned and my judgment about what would help them move forward.
I learned that people are strikingly different in both their work goals and their motivations. Here are some differences I’ve noticed over the years.
Structure vs. ambiguity
What it looks like:
Some people want clear priorities, deadlines, and defined success criteria; others thrive with a destination and room to choose the route.
How a leader adapts:
Clarify the “what” and “why” for everyone, then vary how much you prescribe the “how.”
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Competence and confidence
What it looks like:
A person may be highly skilled but uncertain, or enthusiastic but inexperienced. Their needs differ by task, not just overall.
How a leader adapts:
Provide more direction for low competence, encouragement for low confidence, and delegation when both are high.
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Recognition preferences
What it looks like:
Some want public praise; others find it embarrassing and prefer a quiet thank-you, a growth opportunity, or increased responsibility.
How a leader adapts:
Ask how they like to be recognized, and make recognition specific rather than generic.
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Decision-making involvement
What it looks like:
Some want to be consulted early and often; others want you to make the call and explain it afterward.
How a good leader adapts:
Be explicit about who decides, who is consulted, and who merely needs to be informed.
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Processing style
What it looks like:
Some people think aloud; others need time to reflect before responding. Some prefer conversation; others prefer written context.
How a good leader adapts:
Share agendas in advance, allow follow-up after meetings, or use different channels when appropriate.
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Career ambition
What it looks like:
Some aim for promotion, new skills, or a broader scope; others prioritize mastery, stability, work-life fit, or meaningful work.
How a good leader adapts:
Connect assignments, feedback, and development conversations to their actual definition of growth.
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Risk tolerance
What it looks like:
Some want stretch assignments and fast experimentation; others do their best work with more predictability and time to prepare.
How a good leader adapts:
Match stretch opportunities to readiness, and provide safety nets such as pilots, checkpoints, or peer support.
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Support during stress
What it looks like:
Under pressure, some need reassurance and practical help; others need space, direct problem-solving, or simply fewer interruptions.
How a good leader adapts:
Ask, “When things get stressful, what actually helps, and what doesn’t?”
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Accountability style
What it looks like:
Some respond well to firm deadlines and explicit consequences; others are motivated by ownership, peer commitment, or shared goals.
How a good leader adapts:
Keep standards consistent while varying how you follow through.
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Relationship depth
What it looks like:
Some want a warm, personal relationship with their manager; others prefer professional distance and efficient interactions.
How a good leader adapts:
Respect both: build trust through reliability and fairness, not forced closeness.
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Purpose and values
What it looks like:
People are energized by different aspects of work: customer impact, craft excellence, team success, innovation, fairness, or financial results.
How a good leader adapts:
Explain decisions in the language of what that person values.
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Looking at that list, you can see the problem with trying to lead everyone the way you want. Instead, I have found that good leadership is Needs-based (the N in the POINT Leadership Framework).
It’s about understanding what each person actually needs to do their best work (not what you assume they need) and adjusting your approach accordingly.
It’s important to note that Needs-Based leadership doesn’t require you to change who you are, but it does ask you to be flexible in your approach. You are still the same person with the same values – you just now have more tools in your tool belt.
This week, see if you can adjust your approach to one person based on what they actually need to move forward. The greater your range, the greater the leader you can be.
